tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
