I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
soo... how was my night?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
