sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
