One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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