how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
