I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize