She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
