I seem to have left my pride at pride
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
