We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
