Plan B is the new Plan A
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
