he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
