May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
