so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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