Already got asked if we're dating
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
