Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize