Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
