i just wanna soil my oats bro
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize