guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
then he tried to convert me to islam
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
