I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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