and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize