Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
