I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
