We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
