And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
