Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We need to get me chipped asap
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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