It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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