I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
