kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Randomize