FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
