i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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