this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
