U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
