We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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