This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
