She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
