just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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