Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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