some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
