I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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