Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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