They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
