if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
