Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
