dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
