why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
