who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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