they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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