so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
