I'm drive I can fine osifer
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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