cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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