a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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