last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
