I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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