ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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