did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
