This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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