I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
