Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
