just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
