The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
