This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
