Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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