On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
home. puking in laundry basket.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
