Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
