john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
