listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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