I wanna bring you to show and tell
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
