What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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