I wish I only lived at night.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
