I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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