Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
