through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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