Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My dick has a subreddit
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize